Having Kids with Bipolar Disorder

It’s Totally Doable!

Hey, everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. It’s because I just had a baby. Well.. my wife did, but I’ve had my hands full last few months. It’s been the most wonderful experience: new ranges of happiness and worry, new emotions that I’m learning to handle. 

I was a little worried since having kids can be a “trigger” for a mood episode. Let me share a few things I’ve done to maintain balance. 

As always, you can find out more here in my store. 

Have a Talk with your Partner Before She Gives Birth

Communication is always mentioned as a hallmark of a good, healthy relationship. It’s even more so when you are having a child with someone. 

Stepping into the conversation with my wife comes with a set of nervous feelings and a little shame because you know you are about to have a conversation about YOUR needs in a time when your partners needs SHOULD come first. Serve yourself a dose of self-love and proceed gently. 

Here is what we talked about: 

1. We first went through our emergency plan in case I do have a mood episode. 
2. Ask what her needs are most when the baby arrives. 
3. Express what my needs are most in order to stay healthy: in my case, I said that getting ample sleep was crucial to be my best in supporting her through postpartum. 

We discussed it and came up with our game plan. The thing is, however, there are so many unpredictables with having children. It’s been helpful to go into parenthood with a mindset ready to adapt to constant change. Not the easiest for people with bipolar since having a routine is vital to maintaining balance. 

What I’m Doing to Stay Healthy

Even though we have a plan in place — for example, I sleep from 12am-6am and then take over from 6am-12pm so my wife can sleep — almost daily there are some adjustments to the plan than can be unnerving. You have to be ready to accept that life is permanently changed with a child in the picture. But that change can be a wonderful one! Here is what I’m going to help me navigate these new waters. 

1. Of course, I stick with my Five Pillars of Bipolar Recovery: Sleep, Nutrition, Movement, Mindfulness, and Community. But I worked closely with my wife on adjusting the plan with a baby in the picture. 
2. Being okay with “filling my cup” first. There can be feelings of shame when you aren’t feeling your best. But it does no good to try to be a good father or husband when I am feeling instability in my mood. I’m so grateful that my wife gracefully allows me to regain balance before jumping back into the 2-hr, non-stop cycle feeding, burping, diapers, bathing, napping, etc. 
3. Being okay with leaning on our village. This has been huge for us in leaving our child with our parents to continue some of the good habits that nourish our marriage. We still go to the gym together, we still have our weekly date night, and we even go on walks with our little one. Having some continuity with our previous life REALLY helps with the postpartum struggles for both parents. 

I Still Worry Things Could Go Terribly Wrong

As a religious person, I’m so grateful that God has blessed me with a blessed start to parenthood. However, there is always the possibility that I may fall ill one day. 

I suppose I’ve readied everyone in my family for that very real possibility with KNOWLEDGE. They’ll be ready to take care of me, and I will embrace that love and care no matter the feelings of shame. 

And… what if my children get this horrible condition? I suppose scripture provides meaning for our suffering. With all of my knowledge and experience, I would be ready to spot the warning signs early and provide care if needed. 

Still… I worry (barring rumination that spirals out of control). I guess that’s what it means to be a parent.